tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.comments2012-12-15T17:29:14.115-05:00The Gentleman's Guide to DDPaulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05943011710443079886noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-15914896459821341852009-12-01T09:05:42.186-05:002009-12-01T09:05:42.186-05:00I enjoy reading your posts and getting a view from...I enjoy reading your posts and getting a view from the "other side". It is interesting to learn that even when you know your woman needs a spanking that you hold back until you find the correct reason for giving one. That says a lot about you. You are dedicated to your woman and your lifestyle... but abide by your own standards of what is correct. I like a man who has the strength to live by his own set of principles.<br /><br />Thanks for sharing...<br /><br />His KittenSexyKittenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17765925425581236510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-37998696623641905622009-11-28T01:52:18.808-05:002009-11-28T01:52:18.808-05:00I like that you have a goal to persevere thru seem...I like that you have a goal to persevere thru seemingly impossible circumstances. I think letting her know exactly when you flinched will serve you both in the future. Best of luck with all that is before you. KayLynnAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-60229759961801793572009-11-23T09:21:58.396-05:002009-11-23T09:21:58.396-05:00I think we all have those type of weeks. What is ...I think we all have those type of weeks. What is awesome is you realize it and are ready to do something about it. <br />Unfortunately life does get in the way of DD much too often, but when there is time to reconnect it is worth it. <br />Hope your lives find that time.Janethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05584625336930121503noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-26250987060697593002009-11-22T21:39:41.792-05:002009-11-22T21:39:41.792-05:00Where's that little thumping heart icon when a...Where's that little thumping heart icon when a girl needs it? <br /><br />Thanks for reminding me that's it not all about me, and that you can have "off" weeks too. <br /><br />I like the weekly format - in fact, you inspired me to finally make my first post to my blog that has been sitting empty for so long! :) <br /><br />JennaJennahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02771248997841209267noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-7375168281713517562009-11-22T19:46:48.323-05:002009-11-22T19:46:48.323-05:00I'm so glad to hear there is more to come very...I'm so glad to hear there is more to come very soon! I commented earlier about my husband having "free reign to take me when he wants me" and read the post Paul wrote that sounded a little concerned. Please rest assured that this was agreed upon by us both because, and only because, I know my HOH will always consider my needs and feelings when making any decision and that he will use his best judgement, especially when it effects me directly such as this does. He would never abuse this right or use it viciously, and on the contrary the idea of being "taken" strikes a curiously erotic nerve for me so although he has ultimate authority in this matter, it has never felt forced and I have never felt violated. Several years of a nearly nonexistent sex drive seem to have just been blown away with this arrangement. Perhaps not just because of this one agreement, but a newfound lust and attraction for my newly dominant husband. Being that this is a fairly unfamiliar site, it is probably best if I don't go any farther, since I would like to feel around for the boundaries and not push any limits. Just please know that the arrangement that my original comment spoke of is in no way abusive or hurtful. In fact it is quite enjoyable for us both. Thank you, Paul for keeping up on your site so well and addressing my post so promptly. It really seems as if you put a lot of effort into this site and I feel that it will be very successful with the ideas you seem to want to express.daddysgghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08995370409857428439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-25223739426318487722009-11-22T17:25:52.950-05:002009-11-22T17:25:52.950-05:00I'm excited to see input from the HOH point of...I'm excited to see input from the HOH point of view. My husband and I are very new to this wonderful lifestyle. We only have about a month under our belts(yeah, sorry, pun only half intended), but we have already seen amazing results in our marriage, our sex life, and even my son (from a previous relationship) has made huge changes in his attitude toward my husband for the better, since one of the bigger rules in our home is that I NOT undermine my husband in front of my child. I happened upon a LDD website by accident and just started reading. As these people were describing their thoughts and feelings on their pre-LDD relationships I felt as if they were plucking words directly from my head and "stealing" my thoughts. As I read on I could see how much richer and rewarding and intimate, just plain happier these couples' relationships were and I wanted that for my marriage. So I introduced the idea to my husband and read him articles that I found, pulling a lot of material from the Taken in Hand website. He agreed that this could be good for our marriage (he especially liked the part where he is never again sexually unsatisfied, as he would have free reign to take me whenever he wanted me, lol) But seriously, I think we both realized, based on our personalities and tendencies, that this is what we have wanted and needed all along and neither of us realized it until now. He also felt that we should start implimenting it and see what it can do for us. As I mentioned above, we only just started out and already we have seen huge improvements. I'm still in, shall we say, "boot camp" where we are trying to break a few of my really bad, lifelong habits and he has been oh so patient and fair. We struggle with consistency since we have a 6 year old in the home whom we don't want to know all the gory details and I am 6 months pregnant, so its really hard to get enough privacy to go to the bedroom and conduct business when I need it. Plus we work odd hours so we have some hurdles. But we do what we can as soon as we can. Back on point, though, there are quite a few blogs and posts from the perspective of the woman, or submissive, which are hugely helppful, but I am extremely interested in the viewpoint of the Head of Household. I see that this site seems to be designed tastefully and is intended to answer questions regarding the lifestyle, but I'm really hoping to also hear personal experiences and thoughts from Paul in addition to Q & A. I can't wait to read more from your standpoint, Paul.daddysgghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08995370409857428439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-25541233329725310882009-10-28T21:08:03.652-04:002009-10-28T21:08:03.652-04:00Paul, I was certain that I replied to this, but I ...Paul, I was certain that I replied to this, but I can't find it. Just want to say that I really appreciate your answer here. You've thought things through and have a knack of explaining them well. Thank you for putting this out there. I think you will gain quite a following once people discover your blog.<br /><br />Thanks again, Paul. It did help.Alexandranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-72529876105436557912009-10-28T15:16:47.227-04:002009-10-28T15:16:47.227-04:00Paul, you have a good start here. It is good to r...Paul, you have a good start here. It is good to read about DD from the 'other' side, and from a Vanilla HOH.<br /><br />JoannieJKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09133157748608675246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-27974488538901079402009-10-26T20:08:19.417-04:002009-10-26T20:08:19.417-04:00Thank you, Paul. I like how you describe this, &qu...Thank you, Paul. I like how you describe this, "You are asking your husband to be an amazing mix, he needs to be a caring and compassionate partner. Not a tyrant, but certainly not a pushover. It has been my experience that he has to find that mix on his own," Yes, that's it. When I first asked for DD, I thought it couldn't be that hard for him to just give me a spanking when I need it. Now, I do realize that it's a lot more complicated than that. He has to worry about being too harsh, too soft, when to spank, when to let something slide, how to handle things when the kids are home, and etc. He was thinking about all those things and trying to figure out if he could make this work.Alexandranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-27981030178108609102009-10-26T18:49:12.564-04:002009-10-26T18:49:12.564-04:00Alexandra,
This is such a fantastic question and ...Alexandra,<br /><br />This is such a fantastic question and topic to discuss. To be blunt it has been my experience and from what I have heard from others that fun spankings are the gateway for many because men see almost immediate benefit from them. One of the most confusing things for me and probably for many men is the relationship between spanking, DD, and sex. Spanking does not always mean DD, and DD doesn't always mean spanking, but they are often used so interchangeably that many people get confused. So, the "fun spanking" is kind of DD lite. Many times fun spankings lead to sex and therefore a vanilla man may begin to like spanking much like Pavlov's dog probably loved that bell. The important thing for you to understand though is that your partner needs to understand that a fun spanking isn't all that you are after. Fun spankings may give him confidence, but may leave you wanting the structure, support, and actual discipline that punishment spankings and DD provides. So yes, I rather expect many men to get into and enjoy fun spankings. Partly because they can rationalize it away as a kink or fetish without fully understanding the deeper nature of what you seek from DD.<br /><br />In answer to your second question I am comfortable in my HOH skin even when giving a punishment. That doesn't mean I enjoy it, in fact I would be horribly worried if I did enjoy it. Being the HOH is a tremendous responsibility that my wife has given me. I now feel like I understand that role and it is one that requires me to be much more attentive, more understanding, and willing to put in the time and effort to hold us both accountable to what we have agreed to as partners. Will I ever fully understand how and why giving Jenna a discipline spanking helps her communicate better, how it helps to hit the reset button on what used to be a major argument? No, I have no guarantee that I will ever fully understand, but I don't have to fully understand to know that the benefits are real, and that I love what it has done for our marriage, for our friendship, and for our love. So yes, I believe a vanilla can get into that role and be very comfortable with it. I think he can do that because he understands that part of his responsibility is helping his wife in whatever way he can and DD is just another way of doing that.<br /><br />Hope this helps Alexandra!Paulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05943011710443079886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-80091066465155753112009-10-26T18:14:01.152-04:002009-10-26T18:14:01.152-04:00Alexandra,
Explaining DD to a vanilla is quite a ...Alexandra,<br /><br />Explaining DD to a vanilla is quite a difficult task. How do you explain to someone what you want when it has as many facets as DD does. From my perspective the first thing that I worried about and it sounds like the first thing your husband was worried about was becoming an abuser. So for that reason I suggest starting there. Explaining that you are not looking for a dominant submissive relationship and that you are not looking for a physically or emotionally abusive relationship is a first step to helping. It may seem counter-intuitive to start with what DD is NOT to you, but from my perspective it helps to alleviate fear. I will say that the first step is alleviating fear. You are asking your husband to be an amazing mix, he needs to be a caring and compassionate partner. Not a tyrant, but certainly not a pushover. It has been my experience that he has to find that mix on his own, but knowing that you are not looking for a tyrant or an abuser is the first step to alleviating fear and opening communication.<br /><br />I hope that helps a little bit for you Alexandra and anyone else who is figuring out how to tell your partner what you might be looking for through DD.Paulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05943011710443079886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-39677176528146897942009-10-25T23:48:21.045-04:002009-10-25T23:48:21.045-04:00I agree with Jen. I love the idea of this blog and...I agree with Jen. I love the idea of this blog and you emphasis on meeting your wife's needs, Paul. She is a very lucky woman.<br /><br />I like that you differentiate DD from master/slave relationships. My husband's first reaction was an incredulous, "You want to be a sub? You want me to beat you?!" He knows now that I don't want that, but at the beginning I had a hard time explaining the difference in a way that made sense to him. How would you have advised me to respond to my husband's initial questions?<br />Thanks!Alexandranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-4693463578899975402009-10-25T23:40:09.407-04:002009-10-25T23:40:09.407-04:00I like what Katia said about a vanilla man getting...I like what Katia said about a vanilla man getting comfortable in his skin. My husband was very reluctant to engage in DD with me. It took him a long time to accept that this really was something I wanted and needed. Now, he seems to be enjoying spanking me, the fun kind anyway. He says he doesn't like the punishment kind. <br /><br />Paul, is that the way you were/are, in getting to the point where you could enjoy giving a fun sort of spanking? Have you gotten to the point where you feel comfortable in the HOH skin, even when giving a punishment? Or is that something a vanilla man just can't get into? Thanks!Alexandranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-77906914307043700002009-10-25T23:33:49.889-04:002009-10-25T23:33:49.889-04:00I love the idea of a blog by a vanilla DD husband....I love the idea of a blog by a vanilla DD husband. I am going to try to get my husband to read on here.Alexandranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-6199907509734603572009-10-25T23:31:51.240-04:002009-10-25T23:31:51.240-04:00This is a really cool blog, Paul!This is a really cool blog, Paul!Alexandranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-9883977045047714632009-10-19T13:56:15.988-04:002009-10-19T13:56:15.988-04:00Thanks in advance for your time and energy committ...Thanks in advance for your time and energy committment to this Paul! We ( Joe and I ) are so honored! And awed...<br />dLlcoultriphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08725621672265316816noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-68574523337130201322009-10-18T22:12:01.691-04:002009-10-18T22:12:01.691-04:00It is amazing how after sometime in a DD relations...It is amazing how after sometime in a DD relationship, that nilla' man gets very comfortable in his skin. Good Luck in your new blog, it is a great idea.<br /><br />KatiaKatiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08323726599440849176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-42625821126755642182009-10-18T21:18:50.238-04:002009-10-18T21:18:50.238-04:00I just discovered your blog and I really like it. ...I just discovered your blog and I really like it. It is nice to have a blog written by a vanilla man and see how he helps meet his wife's needs.<br /><br />Hugs, <br /><br />JenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247056770518268104.post-20117972537526389812009-10-18T13:14:21.345-04:002009-10-18T13:14:21.345-04:00A good friend of mine asked Paul to start this blo...A good friend of mine asked Paul to start this blog, and I think it is a brilliant idea. I've known many women, myself included, who have found it difficult to locate a reasonable male perspective as they are trying to learn and grow in DD. I'm excited to see what questions everyone has and to read Paul's responses. I have a feeling I'm going to be learning a lot about Paul along with the rest of you! <br /><br />- JennaJennahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02771248997841209267noreply@blogger.com