So you may be asking what is DD and why do people do it. Those are both very good questions and both have tremendously complex answers. I will go through some rather simplistic answers and hope that questions from you will help fill in any unanswered questions as well.
What is DD. Well to answer this question there are some things that I will describe that ARE DD and just as importantly some things that I will define as NOT DD. Again these are my opinions and there will be some who probably disagree, but knowing where I stand will help anyone reading understand how my definitions color my responses.
DD is domestic discipline. Within DD there is a wide range of how people choose to carry out what they define as DD. DD has two distinct roles. There is a Head of Household (HOH) and their partner. There are DD relationships in both heterosexual and homosexual couples but I will quickly admit to you that I know very very little about homosexual DD relationships. If you are looking for advice or guidance in that area I will be more than happy to answer what I can and find resources where I am lacking. At this point I need to make sure that I explain and differentiate a HOH from several other types of relationships. A HOH is not master/slave relationship. Not even close. DD is also not simply just a sexual kink. You may or may not yet know that DD is typically linked with spanking. It is important to note that spanking does not mean someone is involved in DD and not spanking does not exclude someone from being in a DD relationship. Spanking is one of the most confusing things in the world of DD and I expect there will be many times that it will be discussed both here and in relationships everywhere.
So with a few small potential questions discussed I invite men, women, young, and old to fire away with questions.
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I just discovered your blog and I really like it. It is nice to have a blog written by a vanilla man and see how he helps meet his wife's needs.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Jen
I agree with Jen. I love the idea of this blog and you emphasis on meeting your wife's needs, Paul. She is a very lucky woman.
ReplyDeleteI like that you differentiate DD from master/slave relationships. My husband's first reaction was an incredulous, "You want to be a sub? You want me to beat you?!" He knows now that I don't want that, but at the beginning I had a hard time explaining the difference in a way that made sense to him. How would you have advised me to respond to my husband's initial questions?
Thanks!
Alexandra,
ReplyDeleteExplaining DD to a vanilla is quite a difficult task. How do you explain to someone what you want when it has as many facets as DD does. From my perspective the first thing that I worried about and it sounds like the first thing your husband was worried about was becoming an abuser. So for that reason I suggest starting there. Explaining that you are not looking for a dominant submissive relationship and that you are not looking for a physically or emotionally abusive relationship is a first step to helping. It may seem counter-intuitive to start with what DD is NOT to you, but from my perspective it helps to alleviate fear. I will say that the first step is alleviating fear. You are asking your husband to be an amazing mix, he needs to be a caring and compassionate partner. Not a tyrant, but certainly not a pushover. It has been my experience that he has to find that mix on his own, but knowing that you are not looking for a tyrant or an abuser is the first step to alleviating fear and opening communication.
I hope that helps a little bit for you Alexandra and anyone else who is figuring out how to tell your partner what you might be looking for through DD.
Thank you, Paul. I like how you describe this, "You are asking your husband to be an amazing mix, he needs to be a caring and compassionate partner. Not a tyrant, but certainly not a pushover. It has been my experience that he has to find that mix on his own," Yes, that's it. When I first asked for DD, I thought it couldn't be that hard for him to just give me a spanking when I need it. Now, I do realize that it's a lot more complicated than that. He has to worry about being too harsh, too soft, when to spank, when to let something slide, how to handle things when the kids are home, and etc. He was thinking about all those things and trying to figure out if he could make this work.
ReplyDelete