Saturday, October 17, 2009
A Vanilla Husband
No, in the context of DD vanilla doesn't mean I like ice cream. In DD there are two common terms to describe one's interest or predisposition to DD. Vanilla and Wired are these two terms. I am a vanilla, and understanding this fact is important to understanding my point of view in everything that I will write. Vanilla is as the flavor might suggest boring :-) Wired is the person in the relationship who is predisposed to some or all of the facets of DD. In my marriage my wife is the wired one. For us, this means that she brought DD to me and wanted for us to introduce it into our lives. You may be here as a man who has no idea what DD is or how to react to being told this is something your wife is interested in implementing in your marriage. Please know that this can be an excellent forum to ask questions and get answers. When Jenna (my wife) brought DD to me I wanted to learn quite a bit to understand what she was looking for from me, and I was looking for the perspective of someone like me. Hopefully this blog can help accomplish that goal. So whether you found this blog on your own or you have been gently nudged here by your partner feel free to ask and learn!
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It is amazing how after sometime in a DD relationship, that nilla' man gets very comfortable in his skin. Good Luck in your new blog, it is a great idea.
ReplyDeleteKatia
I like what Katia said about a vanilla man getting comfortable in his skin. My husband was very reluctant to engage in DD with me. It took him a long time to accept that this really was something I wanted and needed. Now, he seems to be enjoying spanking me, the fun kind anyway. He says he doesn't like the punishment kind.
ReplyDeletePaul, is that the way you were/are, in getting to the point where you could enjoy giving a fun sort of spanking? Have you gotten to the point where you feel comfortable in the HOH skin, even when giving a punishment? Or is that something a vanilla man just can't get into? Thanks!
Alexandra,
ReplyDeleteThis is such a fantastic question and topic to discuss. To be blunt it has been my experience and from what I have heard from others that fun spankings are the gateway for many because men see almost immediate benefit from them. One of the most confusing things for me and probably for many men is the relationship between spanking, DD, and sex. Spanking does not always mean DD, and DD doesn't always mean spanking, but they are often used so interchangeably that many people get confused. So, the "fun spanking" is kind of DD lite. Many times fun spankings lead to sex and therefore a vanilla man may begin to like spanking much like Pavlov's dog probably loved that bell. The important thing for you to understand though is that your partner needs to understand that a fun spanking isn't all that you are after. Fun spankings may give him confidence, but may leave you wanting the structure, support, and actual discipline that punishment spankings and DD provides. So yes, I rather expect many men to get into and enjoy fun spankings. Partly because they can rationalize it away as a kink or fetish without fully understanding the deeper nature of what you seek from DD.
In answer to your second question I am comfortable in my HOH skin even when giving a punishment. That doesn't mean I enjoy it, in fact I would be horribly worried if I did enjoy it. Being the HOH is a tremendous responsibility that my wife has given me. I now feel like I understand that role and it is one that requires me to be much more attentive, more understanding, and willing to put in the time and effort to hold us both accountable to what we have agreed to as partners. Will I ever fully understand how and why giving Jenna a discipline spanking helps her communicate better, how it helps to hit the reset button on what used to be a major argument? No, I have no guarantee that I will ever fully understand, but I don't have to fully understand to know that the benefits are real, and that I love what it has done for our marriage, for our friendship, and for our love. So yes, I believe a vanilla can get into that role and be very comfortable with it. I think he can do that because he understands that part of his responsibility is helping his wife in whatever way he can and DD is just another way of doing that.
Hope this helps Alexandra!
Paul, I was certain that I replied to this, but I can't find it. Just want to say that I really appreciate your answer here. You've thought things through and have a knack of explaining them well. Thank you for putting this out there. I think you will gain quite a following once people discover your blog.
ReplyDeleteThanks again, Paul. It did help.