11/15/09 - 11/22/09

This Week In DD

This will be the inaugural post in what will be a weekly update in what has been going on with an HOH during the past week.

This week was a fairly disastrous HOH week.  Jenna is on a very time consuming rotation for the next 6 weeks at the hospital as this is the area she is hoping to impress to stay on as a resident after she completes medical school.  What that means is she is up by 5 am gone before 6 am and home around 6-7pm.  Unless she is on call in which case after 10pm or she stays at the hospital all night.  My office hours are relatively flexible and often I don't have to get up until almost 9am.  Additionally, as a side venture I am currently taking a class that runs from 6-10pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays and 8-5 on Saturdays.  Essentially that means 2 days a week she leaves before I get up and comes home after I have left and goes to bed before I get back.

With that as a backdrop I will continue to explain a bit.  For DD that is almost the worst case scenario I can think of.  Yes day shift spouse versus night shift spouse would probably be worse, but even if 2 different cities are going at least both people know why DD is suffering and it can pick back up when both people are together.  This week has just been bad for DD.  The house has become a mess and typically I try to do quite a bit of that work since I actually have the time.  Jenna is more responsible for ensuring that she doesn't create disastrous messes and is extremely respectful and communicates with me what is going on and what her needs are going to be this week with her schedule.

Part of the reason I haven't been the HOH I prefer to be this week is that I haven't done all that I need to do.  Much of the house mess this week is my fault and anytime I fail to complete what I need to I find it extremely difficult to hold my wife rigidly accountable.  It then feeds itself until I break free of both cycles at the same time.  I also have been in deep contemplation this week about some potential job changes for the future, and anytime that I am in that mode I question if I am being overly sensitive.  Therefore I flinch when it comes to spanking.

Have Jenna and I had a bad week?  No, not from my end at all.  She has been wonderful and things have been very good.  But I know that 2 times I flinched when I should have spanked.  They were not one of our major type of problems, but nonetheless I should have spanked.  So its time to pick myself up dust myself off and prepare for a new week.  I know better what to expect from this new block now, and can ask better questions and also make better expectations for both of us for this coming week.

So, until next time!

Paul

A recent comment and question

Hello All,

I recently received this post and wanted to talk a little about it and also answer/provide some of the requested insights.  So here it is.


I'm excited to see input from the HOH point of view. My husband and I are very new to this wonderful lifestyle. We only have about a month under our belts(yeah, sorry, pun only half intended), but we have already seen amazing results in our marriage, our sex life, and even my son (from a previous relationship) has made huge changes in his attitude toward my husband for the better, since one of the bigger rules in our home is that I NOT undermine my husband in front of my child. I happened upon a LDD website by accident and just started reading. As these people were describing their thoughts and feelings on their pre-LDD relationships I felt as if they were plucking words directly from my head and "stealing" my thoughts. As I read on I could see how much richer and rewarding and intimate, just plain happier these couples' relationships were and I wanted that for my marriage. So I introduced the idea to my husband and read him articles that I found, pulling a lot of material from the Taken in Hand website. He agreed that this could be good for our marriage (he especially liked the part where he is never again sexually unsatisfied, as he would have free reign to take me whenever he wanted me, lol) But seriously, I think we both realized, based on our personalities and tendencies, that this is what we have wanted and needed all along and neither of us realized it until now. He also felt that we should start implimenting it and see what it can do for us. As I mentioned above, we only just started out and already we have seen huge improvements. I'm still in, shall we say, "boot camp" where we are trying to break a few of my really bad, lifelong habits and he has been oh so patient and fair. We struggle with consistency since we have a 6 year old in the home whom we don't want to know all the gory details and I am 6 months pregnant, so its really hard to get enough privacy to go to the bedroom and conduct business when I need it. Plus we work odd hours so we have some hurdles. But we do what we can as soon as we can. Back on point, though, there are quite a few blogs and posts from the perspective of the woman, or submissive, which are hugely helppful, but I am extremely interested in the viewpoint of the Head of Household. I see that this site seems to be designed tastefully and is intended to answer questions regarding the lifestyle, but I'm really hoping to also hear personal experiences and thoughts from Paul in addition to Q & A. I can't wait to read more from your standpoint, Paul.


I wanted to first congratulate you and your husband on finding DD and the benefits that you are already seeing from this lifestyle.  I agree that there are very few resources for men and women who are interested in DD to see things from an HOH perspective.  Even fewer that are from the perspective of a vanilla HOH.  That is part of the reason this blog is here and I am always happy to have posts or emails asking questions either for this blog or just answered in private.  But enough of all that lets get to the post!

I actually have planned a larger set of posts that talk a little about LDD, but haven't yet completed all my research.  So, I will not yet delve into all of that, but I will quickly say that there are some aspects of LDD that I am extremely uncomfortable with.  There are things within LDD that I do not and will not practice in my marriage.  The quick version of the longer posts to come is this.  LDD has some wonderful things in it that then lead to a slippery slope that leads away from the love and mutual respect that I have found in my DD relationship.  One comment that caught my eye in the post was the one that referred to the husband taking her whenever he wanted.  I need to make sure that I state a couple of things.  First, I can't tell you if that is a right or wrong thing in your relationship.  I only ensure that I say that it is important to be very careful when making arrangements such as this one because what may seem not only desired but perfect can become something else entirely weeks, months, or years into the future.  Clearly the writer says its working for her and her husband and that is fantastic!  But since this blog is designed for a larger audience I want to make sure that I point that out.

Next, this post has inspired me to give a weekly thoughts post each and every week.  It will chronicle whats going on with me as it relates to the past week and DD.  So tonight I will cover the week of 11/15 - 11/22.  So starting tonight that will begin and I hope the perspective will help others out as they begin, contemplate, or trudge along after many years!

Paul